Friday.

We were sitting in the bathroom, I perched on the bathtub and him on the sink when he told me and I felt my heart sink. News like this shouldn't ever be spoken aloud. We walked around the rest of day, not altogether separate, with it hanging over us. Our minds clouded, we left for different places with the same thoughts, and as the night passed, it grew and grew until it lurked behind me whenever I moved. I slept soundly, under the blanket of a familiar stranger, his pillow holding my head as I slept. I didn't think to wonder why I could turn over and not feel constricted, but instead I wondered if he missed his pillow or would mind that I had taken that spot.
I woke, folded things, arranged them as they were before the board games had progressed, and rushed back to school, to shower, to train. Backward, music drifting through my ears, I sat as the metal cage pulled me toward the city. It wasn't even noon, yet my day had ended long before it began. It ended yesterday, in that little bathroom in that little room in that building. I waited, noting that the drizzle was perfect atmosphere for a somber day such as this. I waited, watching faces. Sometimes, they'd turn back, letting their eyes hold my glance as they walked away, but I did not smile, I did not break the eye contact. I did not care.
He came through the ominous turnstiles, the long walk began. I followed behind, no idea where we were going. Street, street, light, left, right, straight. Walk. Walk. Walk. Finally, I saw it and he explained. We went into the elevator, silent, not daring to say what both of us were thinking.
I sat in a chair, reading shallow fashion magazines, while I waited, and when he came out, I looked up, expecting tears and defeat but seeing instead only past him as he pulled my hand and told me we were getting lunch.
The minute the door closed behind us, we hugged, the kind of hug you see in movies. He picked me up off my feet and we walked like that, embracing, back to the elevator. His smile told me everything, and suddenly the weight was gone. I held him down the elevator, in the street. And we smiled and laughed, and joy was back again.
He bought me lunch, at the favorite diner, under an el station. I had a whole grain waffle and some fresh fruit.
I made it back in time for class.
Here I am, carrying things out.

Today was the last lecture of my freshman year of college. Mom cried when I texted her from class. She's been missing me lately for some reason. It's probably because this is the point where I realize that I'm yearning to stay away. Not, of course, because I don't want to go home, but because I'm finally happy, comfortable, enjoying this city for what it is, and suddenly I'm going to have to go back to rules. I'm used to coming and going as I please, whenever, no matter the time. I'm used to the lifestyle that goes along with this place.
I miss you too Mom. Don't worry. I talk about you all the time and Emily can't wait to me you. Steve thinks he'll be able to stop into Denver, and maybe you can meet him then. I miss our house and all the noise, even though there's plenty of noise in the apartment for Mike and I put together and more. I miss the chaos, the clutter (even though it's actually way worse at the apartment....), and the fact that no one else has what we have. So don't think I've forgotten anything. I miss the smell of our house, my bathtub, my big bed, my green bean, the bright yellow kitchen table, searching for food in cupboards (although I do that here an awful lot too), you and me time. Blah blah blah. Sentimental crap, I know. But I'm trying to make you feel better, because today is going to be a good day and an even better night!!!!!

I'm 1/4 of the way through college! (undergrad, at least!) and i'm going to celebrate. hard.

Futuresque

I have a plan:

Double majoring in English with a concentration on creative writing and Journalism.
Minoring in Political Science, Communications, and Women's studies.

The Communications minor could be dropped.
Total, however, it's only 105 hours which means it's doable.

I am beginning to slowly bring things from my room back to the apartment. The great move has begun.

The plan.

Finally, a feasible plan.

This week is my last week of classes. Finals start tuesday, and I am done a week early, on May 3rd. At that point, I will begin moving my stuff to Ryan and Becky's house where it (and I) will stay until May 13th. From there, Becky and I are driving to St. Louis (where my stuff will be for the time being) and spend a few days hanging out. I will fly home the 17th because Mom is stressing that I be home for my birthday.

The only problem is that Ryan and Becky's house is going to be a zoo for the next couple of weeks. Ryan's friend is sleeping in my spot on the couch, but has been nice enough to sleep on the floor so I could have it. I had a nightmare though on Friday, and ended up on the floor too. So that's one sleeping space gone, not to mention more stuff than there already is in that house. The showings start this friday, so we all have to clean this week. Becky has a friend coming over (who will sleep in her room) the weekend that I need to move in.

We officially have to be out of the dorms 24 hours after our final, which is in less than two weeks for me, but the final deadline is May 9th at noon. I am going to do laundry today and sort stuff and then send home a box full of clothes. This should eliminate some of the problems of getting my clothes and such home for the summer.

I'll be selling all my books back, so I'll only have the novels that are currently gracing my bookshelves. As for bags, I am not sure, because I am only traveling home with one suitcase. I also have to figure out what to do with the tv, the iPod player, printer, etc. I have the costume basket as well.
I am thinking that another trip to St. Louis halfway through summer might be in order, if only to relieve Emily's family of all my stuff.

I'm looking at a C and four As, which puts my GPA this semester at a 3.6 which isn't bad. Even if I get a C, two Bs and two As, I'll still have a 3.2, which isn't horrible.

The room here is suffocating me. It is so messy and no one can clean it right now. It finally warmed up this weekend, and I didn't have to wear a coat or a sweater.
Sarah's baby shower was on Sunday. It was beautiful. She got some books and practical things and baby outfits.

I woke up early today. I'm not sure why. Wednesday night on the couch, and Thursday and Friday on the floor definitely meant that I got very little sleep. I ended up talking to the houseguest for a couple of hours and then falling asleep curled up with him. He kissed me goodnight on Thursday, sweetly, and then when we woke up he walked me all the way back to the train for no apparent reason. Very nice. Too bad Ryan has to go to Mizzou next year, or I'd get to hang out with his friends more.

I'm taking down the pictures, and the Christmas lights fell, so that works. The Armani man will have to make a train ride to Ryan and Becky's, there's no way he'll fit into a car. My neighbors are playing really loud music and I am annoyed. I'm already up at ten o'clock, and I dont want to be, but I seem to have lost my phone during the night, and I really can't sleep without it. They always come into our room to tell us to be quiet (even though it's usually just the tv and not our fault that the walls are thing) yet we never say anything to them.

The appeal for the housing contract was denied as well. He offered us a freshman dorm with no AC, no cable, and no kitchens. He told Emily's mom that he was unsure of why we were even trying to get of our housing contract because we chose to live there. Oh, really, so choosing between freshman dorms and that, is he saying that he wouldn't have chosen that? Grrr....I guess I just don't understand Loyola's reasoning. I don't want to be 20 years old and living in freshman dorms. They keep saying they want to foster independence, but what they really want is to foster our dependence on them and in turn they on our checkbooks. It's been a constant buzz on campus. The resentment is still there, even if the anger has subsided. We've all accepted that we have horrible housing next year, and thats that.

Cat is a different story. Is there anyone reading this who'd be willing to take Chase for a year? Emily and I will take him for our junior year when we are finally released from the hell that is Loyola housing. Ryan is moving to Missouri, Becky is going into Columbia's dorms, and Joel doesn't want to keep a cat. He's three years old, very snuggly, not aggressive. He enjoys catnip and turkey. He also likes to eat houseplants and play with bouncy balls. He likes to spoon. Mom hates cats, so that's out. He's so sweet, though, and none of us want to lose him.

I'm still tired. I was going to go to a Jewish art show last night, but Becky and I got lost going, so we tried to go to Starbucks. We saw a spot on the other side of the street, so I jumped out and went and stood in it. A man came by and tried to park there, so I waved him off. He told me to move and I told him it was my spot. He said he didn't care, so I told him that he'd have to hit me first. He proceeded to back up, waiting for me to move, but I didn't. He stopped less than a foot from me and began yelling at me. The woman in his passenger seat told me that they were here first. I told them obviously not because I was the one standing in the spot and that my friend was driving around the block. It continued for some time until I got frustrated at them and as I walked away, (keep in mind this is a crowded, urban street at dinner time. think outdoor cafes, etc.) I screamed an obscenity so loud it probably made their ears bleed. (sarcasm). Becky had seen the whole thing from her car and told me that she had never seen me mad, but that if that was it, she never wanted to. People in Chicago really are the most rude people you've ever met.

Now I'm tired again.