It went well.
Of course it did, I was foolish to think it wouldn't.
I slept badly last night. Tortured by dreams that I couldn't escape from, I woke to find myself in an uneasy melancholy. Apparently, I was talking in my sleep all night. I'm upset by something, I know what, and I don't know how to let it go except to give it time.
Time. Screw time and feelings. I hate not knowing what other people are thinking. I hate wishing I could have something I can't. I hate that I had it for just a second before life got in the way.
I drove downtown this morning to make sure that Emily got to her law school open house alright and realized how much this city has meant to me. In a strange way, I belong in Chicago. I've never loved Loyola, but I've loved Chicago. I have a fascination with the train. I still love the train. There's something so raw and unguarded about it, something so connected and yet so fragile and broken. You are forced to sit around people you don't like, forced to interact, or merely to react to the those around you. It's beautiful. It's dirty. It smells. It's so satisfying and so stressfully slow. I love to sit with a book, lost for half an hour until I feel the train start to descend past Fullerton, the slide into the tunnel. Then the darkness comes and the rattling is somehow magnified by the proxomity of the walls.
But what is home? Everyone's moving back and forth and here and there, and I've realized that as much as I'd like to stay here, for awhile, I can't. I want to be in Colorado, to start my life there. Even though the city begs me to stay, I'm afraid if I do, I'll never leave. I can't fathom the idea of trying to raise children in a city like Chicago, and although it would be a wonderful place to get my social work grounding, I'd prefer to start my career somewhere comfortable.
Blegh, another blog with no purpose, only rambling. Perhaps the morning can bring a sweeter sleep?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Social scene
It's official! I applied today!
Tonight, Emily Dewhurst is coming into town to visit a law school, so she's staying at my house.
I'm going out for the first time post-Hunter-breakup with a circle of friends and acquaintances. I'm nervous, I won't lie. It's just dinner and one of our friends has been in Thailand for the last month, so I'm excited to hear all of his stories.
Tomorrow night is going to be lovely as well. Madeline, her new boyfriend, his friend, I and others are going to go out and hit the town. (Hit the town?)
I must go and put my face on; I'll either edit or post something different so that this might make sense as more than an informal social calendar.
Also, 3 days in a row at the gym! I'm a regular fitness expert. (That's a lie. But it does feel really good.) I've been eating way less processed foods and trying to cut out meat (just not bacon and I've demoted myself to turkey cheddarwursts instead of regular). But the increased fruit and veggies is fun. I always have eaten a nice share of them, but nearly all of my diet at the moment is fruit, vegetables and cereal/oatmeal/whole grain bread. And wine.
Tonight, Emily Dewhurst is coming into town to visit a law school, so she's staying at my house.
I'm going out for the first time post-Hunter-breakup with a circle of friends and acquaintances. I'm nervous, I won't lie. It's just dinner and one of our friends has been in Thailand for the last month, so I'm excited to hear all of his stories.
Tomorrow night is going to be lovely as well. Madeline, her new boyfriend, his friend, I and others are going to go out and hit the town. (Hit the town?)
I must go and put my face on; I'll either edit or post something different so that this might make sense as more than an informal social calendar.
Also, 3 days in a row at the gym! I'm a regular fitness expert. (That's a lie. But it does feel really good.) I've been eating way less processed foods and trying to cut out meat (just not bacon and I've demoted myself to turkey cheddarwursts instead of regular). But the increased fruit and veggies is fun. I always have eaten a nice share of them, but nearly all of my diet at the moment is fruit, vegetables and cereal/oatmeal/whole grain bread. And wine.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
MSW application: January 2010
After a week of writing (including revising, something I'm not exactly used to), my statement of purpose is complete. I know now that if I don't get into DU or Loyola, it's not for lack of trying.
Here it is:
A. Rationale
He has to take a bus to school and then walk. He doesn’t own a coat or a cell phone. He is deaf but can’t communicate with his family because none of them learned how to sign. His family doesn’t worry about feeding him--they rely on school lunches to provide his daily nourishment. The only communication he has is with teachers, interpreters and other deaf students. My mother has worked with this particular student since his freshman year of high school. She’s his only resource. When his father wouldn’t buy him a cell phone, something that all of his brothers and sisters have, it was my mom who went around to various outlets to see about getting a free phone with text messaging capabilities. Watching my mom struggle with the ethical issues surrounding this student, I realized that I too felt what she felt. I want to watch people succeed, to triumph over problems that exist in their lives. I want to help people as she has helped this student. I know that this case is all too common--forgotten children with disabilities that their parents aren’t prepared to handle. I want to help people who need help the most.
Social work has been of interest to me since before the beginning of my undergraduate career. I feel that social work is necessary to the future of not only our local communities, but our global one as well. Social workers provide guidance and support necessary to maintain and reinforce community and family structures that are often shaken by events outside the control of the family or community. They are able to assess a situation and provide services that many others would not be able to offer, doing the greatest amount of possible good through their specific courses of action. The social worker can play an essential role in the rebuilding and strengthening of the existing family, but must rely on a strong sense of intuition and the ability to quickly assess a specific situation.
I plan on using my time in graduate school to assess the problems within my own community and become actively involved in working toward a solution. I am particularly interested in the intersection of women, children and the justice system. In five or six years I hope to be heading a program helping to facilitate increased interaction between mothers and children during incarceration as well as creating a viable support system for those same mothers after they’ve been released. Increased support for women returning to society would drastically reduce the recidivism rate and also create a stronger family network, which would in turn help children stay in school and out of trouble.
I want to devote my life to helping people the way that I have seen my mother help people my whole life. She doesn’t get any thanks for what she does, but somehow, day after day, she keeps doing it. Social work is often a thankless task, but is something that can create hope and direction within the worst situations. I want to be a social worker so that I can help even one person. I want to enter into social work selflessly, focusing on others rather than my own personal gain, but I know that social work would give me a sense of fulfillment that no other career could provide. I want to get satisfaction knowing that I’ve accomplished something meaningful, even if it’s as small as getting someone a winter coat or a cell phone. I want to be an agent of change within the world.
B. Attributes and Liabilities
As I begin my pursuit of a career in social work, I believe that my interpersonal communication skills would be one of my most valuable assets. Writing and speaking are essential skills for such a career path. As an English minor, I am adept at interpreting a situation with a critical eye.
Even though I consider myself a very passionate and caring person, which I believe is necessary for a lengthy career in social work due to the level of personal commitment involved, I also possess the ability to remove myself from a situation. Being able to remain objective in the face of emotional struggle is a quality that will serve me well as a social worker. While able to perceive the emotional depth of any given situation and to internalize the struggle of the parties involved, I am able to remain objective and far enough removed in order to find the best outcome. Even though the job can be demanding, I am also capable of seeing even the smallest amount of positivity and possibility in any situation. Through my ability to remain upbeat, I will be able to consistently approach my work with enthusiasm. I am able to quickly and accurately assess the mood of a situation and from there, am able to swiftly decide on any number of possible solutions.
I am open to new experiences, even though at times I am hesitant to begin. I have decided that life is too short to not dive in, to be cliché, and since I have made that decision for myself, I have found experienced many things that I wouldn’t have otherwise. Social work for me is an area that I have always been surround by, interested in and have always wanted to engage in. I find that making the decision to enter into a social work career was not made out of fear but has been a distinctly focused decision that has been made joyously and with great anticipation for things to come. My openness to begin will serve me well as a social worker.
The area of my life that I feel needs the most strengthening is the area of professional experience. I haven’t spent much time navigating a professional environment and am at times uncomfortable in a professional setting because of my lack of work experience even though I see myself as being perfectly capable of becoming an experienced professional with a certain amount of practice and guidance. I envision this as the area that will see great improvement in the next few years. Through in-field experience and more involvement with social workers, I will be able to increase my comfort level in order to enter the social work profession confidently and ably.
Graduate school would be a full-time commitment for me. I am excited to take on the challenge. I am entirely dedicated to my work and studies, especially in the pursuit of a specific goal. After undergraduate course work, I feel as though the time and energy investment asked of graduate students is something that I would adapt to incredibly well. While I would have preferred to enter into graduate level work with more experience in the field, my passion for social work cannot be denied. Without the constraints of a family or another, equally demanding career, I find myself able to fully invest my time and energy into my social work graduate degree.
C. Employment and Volunteer Experience
After spending four years in the service industry, one is often very capable of being able to anticipate the needs of customers and co-workers alike. From my various positions, I have learned the value of patience, an often under-represented virtue. I understand that not everyone is going to have needs that fit exactly into certain categories and that accommodations must be made in many circumstances. I have developed my intuitive listening skills and honed them, able to anticipate and make advance preparations in order to ensure a quick reaction that will most certainly be agreeable. Child care has taught me more than I ever thought possible. From discipline to creating educational activities, I have developed the ability to firmly adhere to decisions while at the same time rationalizing those decisions to the people affected by them.
My freshman year of college, I spent a number of hours a week volunteering at a soup kitchen. During this time, I found myself excited and incredibly fulfilled by the prospect of doing something as simple as providing a meal. The community that emerged from the simple act of sharing a meal was a strong community, full of hope and strength. Everyone was willing to share with their neighbor, a willingness that I don’t often see in the public arena. This community bond was created on something necessary yet symbolic. The act of eating together reinforces the human need for connection and commonality.
Through my work with film, including documentaries and independent projects, I have realized the power of non-verbal communication. Human services are based so much on communication, and I believe that I can be effective in a variety of ways other than just basic dialogue. From my interviews and research, academic and otherwise, I have realized the value of conversations and trust. Observation is a necessary skill to become a social worker and my various projects have allowed to me to develop the strong powers of observation needed for detailed writing and understanding of a situation.
There are so many people living in the world who have so much to say but haven’t been given the opportunity to speak up. I did a short documentary for a class focusing on justice that involved interviewing the homeless that gather around a major public transportation transfer point in Chicago. These people live blocks from one of the biggest shopping districts in the country, yet are often overlooked, receiving appalling treatment from both tourists and locals. They were open to attempts at conversation and were optimistic about the future (this was on the eve of the 2008 Presidential election). One of my subjects was moved to tears during his interview. They provided me with the material for my documentary but in doing so, they shaped the way in which I presented the information. My original ideas shifted and instead, I focused on their emotional outpouring of anguish and grief rather than numerical statistics. It is this willingness to deviate from the standard facts and numbers that drives my goal to be a social worker.
During the spring 2010 semester, I will be involved in service learning that will enable me to mentor high school journalism students in Pilsen, a neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. Through this experience, I will be sharing with them my journalistic knowledge and interviewing skills but in return I will be able to experience a culturally distinct neighborhood that I know very little about. I am excited by this opportunity and see it is as a way to further integrate myself into the social work mindset. Working with high school students isn’t something that I’ve done before and I believe the opportunity will help me to grow as a social worker by broadening my experience base.
D. Education
My undergraduate educational experience has been one that has involved many elements, rather than one focused area of study. The Jesuit education that I have received while at Loyola has been all encompassing, focusing on educating the whole person. Within that education, there has been strong emphasis on developing communication skills including writing and oral communication as well as concentration on a broad array of studies. The variety of subjects I have studied has allowed me to take many different classes, after which I decided to select three very distinct courses of study. I will be graduating with minors in Sociology, English and Women’s Studies and Gender Studies. All of those are conducive to social work in that they have allowed to me to not only study the condition of women throughout history to today and beyond, but also to attain better understanding of the society in which I live. I have read countless cultural criticisms and theory, from which I have been able to craft a broader understanding of our position as people living in a global society.
I believe that having been in Catholic schools my whole life will greatly aid my social work progress. Having been raised in a space that puts emphasis on gratitude and service work has made me a person sensitive to the needs of those around me. From the Christian Brothers to the Jesuits, my education has encompassed the ideas of giving back, appreciation and personal reflection.
I began to consider social work during my senior year of high school, when I was the head of a group that gave grants to non-profit organizations. As we received requests from all over Colorado, I became aware of the immense need that existed within the state. Living in Chicago has only furthered my understanding of the need for assistance that exists and the lack of resources available. As we gave the checks away, I felt satisfied that we had helped the best that we could, but I was also aware of a nagging need to do more. Since then, I have considered social work as a possible career path.
During the fall semester of 2008, I was unable to maintain my grade and unwilling to ask for help when I should have. The F on my transcript represents a learning experience; not one that I’m proud of or one that helped my GPA, but one that I take full responsibility for. It was my failure alone.
As a student, I am very dedicated but also relaxed enough to not let undue stress overtake my life. Instead of becoming overly stressed about something insignificant, I do not let trivial things bother me, preferring instead to focus on the larger picture. While the small assignments are obviously important, I do my best to think further than that. I do my best work under stress, something that will help me not only in graduate school, but in my career as well. As I have said previously, I am a quick thinker, able to come up with a multitude of ideas to suit any given situation.
E. Life Experiences
It could be argued that my life has been cut out for social work since I was born. I was adopted at birth and have remained in contact with my birth mother throughout my life. Reading a journal that my biological mother wrote for me shortly after my birth, in which she discusses the emotions that she was feeling at the time I was born and then after, I have realized the immense hope and joy that can come from a situation that involves selfless sacrifice. My adoptive mother’s career has also shown me selfless service. She works as a special education teacher in the Aurora school district. Watching her struggle with the situations that she faces on a daily basis, such as lack of resources or the hesitation of parents to get involved with their child’s education, have shown me the strength, determination and modesty involved with social work.
After finding out that my mom had been diagnosed with kidney cancer during the fall of my sophomore year of college, I made arrangements to leave Loyola and come back to Denver to be with her and my brother through his senior year of high school. I spent the spring of 2008 in Denver with my family, watching my mother heal even though she was still working to help the students that she cares so much about. Being around my supportive family made me feel immense gratitude, yet at the same time, I understand that many people don’t have the same support network that we do. This is about the time that I realized that social work was indeed a viable career path for me.
My parents’ divorce left me as a child whose loyalties were spread between many places and family members. Although there was love on all sides, no divorce can be an easy thing. As a child, there was no one to turn to for help or guidance. This experience left me able to deal with very personal human and social problems. Coming from a non-traditional household and then becoming a child of divorce, I am able to empathize with children that I will come in contact with; my understanding of their feelings will allow me to gain their trust and also to be effective in helping to support them. I understand the pressures that children from non-traditional families face, especially through school and oddly, holiday seasons. The idea of the broken family is becoming more and more prevalent in our society today, and the children affected by these families need all the guidance and positive reinforcement that they can get in order to succeed. I am a stronger person than I was when my parents got divorced, and part of that is because of the emotional turmoil that we went through. My unwavering faith in myself is what allowed me to persevere through that difficult time and that confidence will allow me to trust my instincts and make the correct decisions as I enter into the social work field.
F. Social Work Values and Ethics
If Chicago is one of the most diverse cities in the United States or even the world, then Rogers Park is one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the country. You cannot walk through the area I call home without seeing people of every color, speaking any number of different languages walking, biking or driving. Families live among college students. Rogers Park is still a neighborhood of small distinct shops but is also home to Loyola University Chicago, a growing institution that has begun to spread into the surrounding neighborhood. Living among a wildly diverse population has allowed me to encounter people that no educational experience can teach. The issue of gentrification in Chicago is one that is growing faster than even Loyola could have imagined. The fight to keep the true identity of neighborhoods while at the same time trying to modernize them, in essence overhauling their identity and population, has been one that has the city polarized. During the unsuccessful bid to bring the Olympic games to Chicago, the debate about gentrification came to the forefront. My proximity to this debate, even as a temporary resident of the city, has made me mindful of the ethical dilemmas in our growing and changing society.
Spending time at a local restaurant has allowed to me to begin a friendship with a man from Zimbabwe. During our conversations, we do much comparison between the cultures in which we live. It is through these casual experiences that I have been able to gain insight and knowledge into different cultures. The ability to transcend my own culture in order to understand the cultures of those around me and the differences therein will allow me to engage in social work from a unique perspective. I have developed friendships with people of all ages, races and sexual orientations during my time in Chicago. Recently, there was an immense outpouring of student support for a student who had been a victim of harassment based on his sexual orientation. Taking part in the discourse on this subject led me to understand more about the way that many people think about race, class, gender and orientation and has also made me want to fight for equality on all levels. Living in Rogers Park isn’t always ideal due to the high crime rate and vandalism issues, but it has been a worthwhile experience that I will never forget.
During the fall of 2009, I spent time writing a lengthy ethnography about the BDSM (bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism) community. My research took me to diverse places that many were hesitant to travel to or even hear about. The subcultures that I profiled and critiqued are a large and often underrepresented part of the population. I was welcomed and treated as an equal, finding information to be willingly offered and thoroughly explained. Spending time in not only public places, but private clubs as well, I was able to gain access to places that few (except private members) will ever see. I also watched the reactions that people had when I described the project. These reactions showed me the misconceptions that people hold about certain communities. I was able to remain objective in a community that is often hostile to outside involvement and hard to comprehend by hegemonic social standards. This experience helped to shape my love of the diversity that I have embraced while living in Chicago, but furthermore, emphasizes my ability to do cross-cultural analysis and to engage in discussion of taboo subject matter.
Seeing everyone as a human being rather than viewing anyone as existing within any specific category is something that allows me to enter into social work with an open mind and an open heart. My emphasis on global community may seem repetitive, but I truly believe that we are not only citizens of our local environment, but instead are citizens of the world. I think that any social or political advancement made as a people should be one based on mutual respect and understanding.
G. Other Factors
While I understand that my GPA (3.1) and my volunteer/work experience may be on the low end of the scale of applicants, I wish to impress on the admissions committee my desire to actively participate in social work. My undergraduate experience has not been merely studious engagement but has instead included much self-discovery as well as social and urban experience. Living in Chicago has enabled me to be a participant, not merely a voyeur in the urban environment and has made me more aware of the reality of certain issues that are present within society. Race is a still prevalent issue in Chicago and living in such a diverse city has opened my eyes to the ways in which people of the world live and work together; it has also shown me the ways that people can still be affected by prejudice and negative thinking. My time here has been not only a successful academic endeavor but has caused me to evolve as an independent person. I wish to emphasize the importance of life experiences and exploration, things that cannot be taught or quantified onto paper. I will be entering the program as a whole person, not merely someone who knows so much about the specific subjects of study, but as someone with life experience and a dedication to furthering my engagement in the world around me.
Here it is:
A. Rationale
He has to take a bus to school and then walk. He doesn’t own a coat or a cell phone. He is deaf but can’t communicate with his family because none of them learned how to sign. His family doesn’t worry about feeding him--they rely on school lunches to provide his daily nourishment. The only communication he has is with teachers, interpreters and other deaf students. My mother has worked with this particular student since his freshman year of high school. She’s his only resource. When his father wouldn’t buy him a cell phone, something that all of his brothers and sisters have, it was my mom who went around to various outlets to see about getting a free phone with text messaging capabilities. Watching my mom struggle with the ethical issues surrounding this student, I realized that I too felt what she felt. I want to watch people succeed, to triumph over problems that exist in their lives. I want to help people as she has helped this student. I know that this case is all too common--forgotten children with disabilities that their parents aren’t prepared to handle. I want to help people who need help the most.
Social work has been of interest to me since before the beginning of my undergraduate career. I feel that social work is necessary to the future of not only our local communities, but our global one as well. Social workers provide guidance and support necessary to maintain and reinforce community and family structures that are often shaken by events outside the control of the family or community. They are able to assess a situation and provide services that many others would not be able to offer, doing the greatest amount of possible good through their specific courses of action. The social worker can play an essential role in the rebuilding and strengthening of the existing family, but must rely on a strong sense of intuition and the ability to quickly assess a specific situation.
I plan on using my time in graduate school to assess the problems within my own community and become actively involved in working toward a solution. I am particularly interested in the intersection of women, children and the justice system. In five or six years I hope to be heading a program helping to facilitate increased interaction between mothers and children during incarceration as well as creating a viable support system for those same mothers after they’ve been released. Increased support for women returning to society would drastically reduce the recidivism rate and also create a stronger family network, which would in turn help children stay in school and out of trouble.
I want to devote my life to helping people the way that I have seen my mother help people my whole life. She doesn’t get any thanks for what she does, but somehow, day after day, she keeps doing it. Social work is often a thankless task, but is something that can create hope and direction within the worst situations. I want to be a social worker so that I can help even one person. I want to enter into social work selflessly, focusing on others rather than my own personal gain, but I know that social work would give me a sense of fulfillment that no other career could provide. I want to get satisfaction knowing that I’ve accomplished something meaningful, even if it’s as small as getting someone a winter coat or a cell phone. I want to be an agent of change within the world.
B. Attributes and Liabilities
As I begin my pursuit of a career in social work, I believe that my interpersonal communication skills would be one of my most valuable assets. Writing and speaking are essential skills for such a career path. As an English minor, I am adept at interpreting a situation with a critical eye.
Even though I consider myself a very passionate and caring person, which I believe is necessary for a lengthy career in social work due to the level of personal commitment involved, I also possess the ability to remove myself from a situation. Being able to remain objective in the face of emotional struggle is a quality that will serve me well as a social worker. While able to perceive the emotional depth of any given situation and to internalize the struggle of the parties involved, I am able to remain objective and far enough removed in order to find the best outcome. Even though the job can be demanding, I am also capable of seeing even the smallest amount of positivity and possibility in any situation. Through my ability to remain upbeat, I will be able to consistently approach my work with enthusiasm. I am able to quickly and accurately assess the mood of a situation and from there, am able to swiftly decide on any number of possible solutions.
I am open to new experiences, even though at times I am hesitant to begin. I have decided that life is too short to not dive in, to be cliché, and since I have made that decision for myself, I have found experienced many things that I wouldn’t have otherwise. Social work for me is an area that I have always been surround by, interested in and have always wanted to engage in. I find that making the decision to enter into a social work career was not made out of fear but has been a distinctly focused decision that has been made joyously and with great anticipation for things to come. My openness to begin will serve me well as a social worker.
The area of my life that I feel needs the most strengthening is the area of professional experience. I haven’t spent much time navigating a professional environment and am at times uncomfortable in a professional setting because of my lack of work experience even though I see myself as being perfectly capable of becoming an experienced professional with a certain amount of practice and guidance. I envision this as the area that will see great improvement in the next few years. Through in-field experience and more involvement with social workers, I will be able to increase my comfort level in order to enter the social work profession confidently and ably.
Graduate school would be a full-time commitment for me. I am excited to take on the challenge. I am entirely dedicated to my work and studies, especially in the pursuit of a specific goal. After undergraduate course work, I feel as though the time and energy investment asked of graduate students is something that I would adapt to incredibly well. While I would have preferred to enter into graduate level work with more experience in the field, my passion for social work cannot be denied. Without the constraints of a family or another, equally demanding career, I find myself able to fully invest my time and energy into my social work graduate degree.
C. Employment and Volunteer Experience
After spending four years in the service industry, one is often very capable of being able to anticipate the needs of customers and co-workers alike. From my various positions, I have learned the value of patience, an often under-represented virtue. I understand that not everyone is going to have needs that fit exactly into certain categories and that accommodations must be made in many circumstances. I have developed my intuitive listening skills and honed them, able to anticipate and make advance preparations in order to ensure a quick reaction that will most certainly be agreeable. Child care has taught me more than I ever thought possible. From discipline to creating educational activities, I have developed the ability to firmly adhere to decisions while at the same time rationalizing those decisions to the people affected by them.
My freshman year of college, I spent a number of hours a week volunteering at a soup kitchen. During this time, I found myself excited and incredibly fulfilled by the prospect of doing something as simple as providing a meal. The community that emerged from the simple act of sharing a meal was a strong community, full of hope and strength. Everyone was willing to share with their neighbor, a willingness that I don’t often see in the public arena. This community bond was created on something necessary yet symbolic. The act of eating together reinforces the human need for connection and commonality.
Through my work with film, including documentaries and independent projects, I have realized the power of non-verbal communication. Human services are based so much on communication, and I believe that I can be effective in a variety of ways other than just basic dialogue. From my interviews and research, academic and otherwise, I have realized the value of conversations and trust. Observation is a necessary skill to become a social worker and my various projects have allowed to me to develop the strong powers of observation needed for detailed writing and understanding of a situation.
There are so many people living in the world who have so much to say but haven’t been given the opportunity to speak up. I did a short documentary for a class focusing on justice that involved interviewing the homeless that gather around a major public transportation transfer point in Chicago. These people live blocks from one of the biggest shopping districts in the country, yet are often overlooked, receiving appalling treatment from both tourists and locals. They were open to attempts at conversation and were optimistic about the future (this was on the eve of the 2008 Presidential election). One of my subjects was moved to tears during his interview. They provided me with the material for my documentary but in doing so, they shaped the way in which I presented the information. My original ideas shifted and instead, I focused on their emotional outpouring of anguish and grief rather than numerical statistics. It is this willingness to deviate from the standard facts and numbers that drives my goal to be a social worker.
During the spring 2010 semester, I will be involved in service learning that will enable me to mentor high school journalism students in Pilsen, a neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. Through this experience, I will be sharing with them my journalistic knowledge and interviewing skills but in return I will be able to experience a culturally distinct neighborhood that I know very little about. I am excited by this opportunity and see it is as a way to further integrate myself into the social work mindset. Working with high school students isn’t something that I’ve done before and I believe the opportunity will help me to grow as a social worker by broadening my experience base.
D. Education
My undergraduate educational experience has been one that has involved many elements, rather than one focused area of study. The Jesuit education that I have received while at Loyola has been all encompassing, focusing on educating the whole person. Within that education, there has been strong emphasis on developing communication skills including writing and oral communication as well as concentration on a broad array of studies. The variety of subjects I have studied has allowed me to take many different classes, after which I decided to select three very distinct courses of study. I will be graduating with minors in Sociology, English and Women’s Studies and Gender Studies. All of those are conducive to social work in that they have allowed to me to not only study the condition of women throughout history to today and beyond, but also to attain better understanding of the society in which I live. I have read countless cultural criticisms and theory, from which I have been able to craft a broader understanding of our position as people living in a global society.
I believe that having been in Catholic schools my whole life will greatly aid my social work progress. Having been raised in a space that puts emphasis on gratitude and service work has made me a person sensitive to the needs of those around me. From the Christian Brothers to the Jesuits, my education has encompassed the ideas of giving back, appreciation and personal reflection.
I began to consider social work during my senior year of high school, when I was the head of a group that gave grants to non-profit organizations. As we received requests from all over Colorado, I became aware of the immense need that existed within the state. Living in Chicago has only furthered my understanding of the need for assistance that exists and the lack of resources available. As we gave the checks away, I felt satisfied that we had helped the best that we could, but I was also aware of a nagging need to do more. Since then, I have considered social work as a possible career path.
During the fall semester of 2008, I was unable to maintain my grade and unwilling to ask for help when I should have. The F on my transcript represents a learning experience; not one that I’m proud of or one that helped my GPA, but one that I take full responsibility for. It was my failure alone.
As a student, I am very dedicated but also relaxed enough to not let undue stress overtake my life. Instead of becoming overly stressed about something insignificant, I do not let trivial things bother me, preferring instead to focus on the larger picture. While the small assignments are obviously important, I do my best to think further than that. I do my best work under stress, something that will help me not only in graduate school, but in my career as well. As I have said previously, I am a quick thinker, able to come up with a multitude of ideas to suit any given situation.
E. Life Experiences
It could be argued that my life has been cut out for social work since I was born. I was adopted at birth and have remained in contact with my birth mother throughout my life. Reading a journal that my biological mother wrote for me shortly after my birth, in which she discusses the emotions that she was feeling at the time I was born and then after, I have realized the immense hope and joy that can come from a situation that involves selfless sacrifice. My adoptive mother’s career has also shown me selfless service. She works as a special education teacher in the Aurora school district. Watching her struggle with the situations that she faces on a daily basis, such as lack of resources or the hesitation of parents to get involved with their child’s education, have shown me the strength, determination and modesty involved with social work.
After finding out that my mom had been diagnosed with kidney cancer during the fall of my sophomore year of college, I made arrangements to leave Loyola and come back to Denver to be with her and my brother through his senior year of high school. I spent the spring of 2008 in Denver with my family, watching my mother heal even though she was still working to help the students that she cares so much about. Being around my supportive family made me feel immense gratitude, yet at the same time, I understand that many people don’t have the same support network that we do. This is about the time that I realized that social work was indeed a viable career path for me.
My parents’ divorce left me as a child whose loyalties were spread between many places and family members. Although there was love on all sides, no divorce can be an easy thing. As a child, there was no one to turn to for help or guidance. This experience left me able to deal with very personal human and social problems. Coming from a non-traditional household and then becoming a child of divorce, I am able to empathize with children that I will come in contact with; my understanding of their feelings will allow me to gain their trust and also to be effective in helping to support them. I understand the pressures that children from non-traditional families face, especially through school and oddly, holiday seasons. The idea of the broken family is becoming more and more prevalent in our society today, and the children affected by these families need all the guidance and positive reinforcement that they can get in order to succeed. I am a stronger person than I was when my parents got divorced, and part of that is because of the emotional turmoil that we went through. My unwavering faith in myself is what allowed me to persevere through that difficult time and that confidence will allow me to trust my instincts and make the correct decisions as I enter into the social work field.
F. Social Work Values and Ethics
If Chicago is one of the most diverse cities in the United States or even the world, then Rogers Park is one of the most diverse neighborhoods in the country. You cannot walk through the area I call home without seeing people of every color, speaking any number of different languages walking, biking or driving. Families live among college students. Rogers Park is still a neighborhood of small distinct shops but is also home to Loyola University Chicago, a growing institution that has begun to spread into the surrounding neighborhood. Living among a wildly diverse population has allowed me to encounter people that no educational experience can teach. The issue of gentrification in Chicago is one that is growing faster than even Loyola could have imagined. The fight to keep the true identity of neighborhoods while at the same time trying to modernize them, in essence overhauling their identity and population, has been one that has the city polarized. During the unsuccessful bid to bring the Olympic games to Chicago, the debate about gentrification came to the forefront. My proximity to this debate, even as a temporary resident of the city, has made me mindful of the ethical dilemmas in our growing and changing society.
Spending time at a local restaurant has allowed to me to begin a friendship with a man from Zimbabwe. During our conversations, we do much comparison between the cultures in which we live. It is through these casual experiences that I have been able to gain insight and knowledge into different cultures. The ability to transcend my own culture in order to understand the cultures of those around me and the differences therein will allow me to engage in social work from a unique perspective. I have developed friendships with people of all ages, races and sexual orientations during my time in Chicago. Recently, there was an immense outpouring of student support for a student who had been a victim of harassment based on his sexual orientation. Taking part in the discourse on this subject led me to understand more about the way that many people think about race, class, gender and orientation and has also made me want to fight for equality on all levels. Living in Rogers Park isn’t always ideal due to the high crime rate and vandalism issues, but it has been a worthwhile experience that I will never forget.
During the fall of 2009, I spent time writing a lengthy ethnography about the BDSM (bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism) community. My research took me to diverse places that many were hesitant to travel to or even hear about. The subcultures that I profiled and critiqued are a large and often underrepresented part of the population. I was welcomed and treated as an equal, finding information to be willingly offered and thoroughly explained. Spending time in not only public places, but private clubs as well, I was able to gain access to places that few (except private members) will ever see. I also watched the reactions that people had when I described the project. These reactions showed me the misconceptions that people hold about certain communities. I was able to remain objective in a community that is often hostile to outside involvement and hard to comprehend by hegemonic social standards. This experience helped to shape my love of the diversity that I have embraced while living in Chicago, but furthermore, emphasizes my ability to do cross-cultural analysis and to engage in discussion of taboo subject matter.
Seeing everyone as a human being rather than viewing anyone as existing within any specific category is something that allows me to enter into social work with an open mind and an open heart. My emphasis on global community may seem repetitive, but I truly believe that we are not only citizens of our local environment, but instead are citizens of the world. I think that any social or political advancement made as a people should be one based on mutual respect and understanding.
G. Other Factors
While I understand that my GPA (3.1) and my volunteer/work experience may be on the low end of the scale of applicants, I wish to impress on the admissions committee my desire to actively participate in social work. My undergraduate experience has not been merely studious engagement but has instead included much self-discovery as well as social and urban experience. Living in Chicago has enabled me to be a participant, not merely a voyeur in the urban environment and has made me more aware of the reality of certain issues that are present within society. Race is a still prevalent issue in Chicago and living in such a diverse city has opened my eyes to the ways in which people of the world live and work together; it has also shown me the ways that people can still be affected by prejudice and negative thinking. My time here has been not only a successful academic endeavor but has caused me to evolve as an independent person. I wish to emphasize the importance of life experiences and exploration, things that cannot be taught or quantified onto paper. I will be entering the program as a whole person, not merely someone who knows so much about the specific subjects of study, but as someone with life experience and a dedication to furthering my engagement in the world around me.
Workout Rundown/Trivia Trials
Be so proud of me, people of the world:
I worked out today.
Not only that, but I was on the elliptical for a full 54:39. (That's nearly an hour, folks.) I quit once I hit 4 miles.
It's something that I rarely do. I prefer to swim. I'm good at it, it's relaxing, it doesn't hurt my knees. I have horrible knees....I'll blame track but I think they've always been bad. Today it's snowing and the high is 20 degrees, so going swimming isn't really an option. There's nothing worse than walking home with frozen hair or a cold body.
I got into a nice mental rhythm with a nice playlist to back it all up and I just let go. I had originally told myself that I only had to do fifteen minutes (the cold has sort of messed up my lungs, they're still a little wheezy), but after fifteen I was feeling good. After thirty I wasn't done. After 45 I was like, well, why not make it an hour. But then I realized I hadn't eaten, so 4 miles became the goal.
And, to my surprise, I liked it.
I'm going back tomorrow.
Getting toned is something easily within my grasp.
Last night we went to Hamburger Mary's to do trivia. Ever since the homophobic incident at Hamilton's, we've been looking for another place to do trivia. The upside of Hamburger Mary's: I love the place. It's free to play trivia. It's in one of my favorite neighborhoods in Chicago (Andersonville) and it's easy to get to. It's like a ten minute drive and once the weather warms up, it'd be a nice long walk or a short bus trip. Anyway, the trivia was nice. It could have been harder, but we lost by three points, so I guess maybe we should have done better.
But hopefully we've found our new trivia hangout.
I worked out today.
Not only that, but I was on the elliptical for a full 54:39. (That's nearly an hour, folks.) I quit once I hit 4 miles.
It's something that I rarely do. I prefer to swim. I'm good at it, it's relaxing, it doesn't hurt my knees. I have horrible knees....I'll blame track but I think they've always been bad. Today it's snowing and the high is 20 degrees, so going swimming isn't really an option. There's nothing worse than walking home with frozen hair or a cold body.
I got into a nice mental rhythm with a nice playlist to back it all up and I just let go. I had originally told myself that I only had to do fifteen minutes (the cold has sort of messed up my lungs, they're still a little wheezy), but after fifteen I was feeling good. After thirty I wasn't done. After 45 I was like, well, why not make it an hour. But then I realized I hadn't eaten, so 4 miles became the goal.
And, to my surprise, I liked it.
I'm going back tomorrow.
Getting toned is something easily within my grasp.
But hopefully we've found our new trivia hangout.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Feminism, or something like it.
I've spent four years of college learning about feminism and the sociological implications of being woman in the world.
I've spent twenty one years being a woman in the world.
I'm just now getting the theory behind it all, even though I've been studying, discussing and living the "how" part of the equation forever.
This is an unorganized rant. I like it. I'm sticking to it.
I was not raised in a house where gender was an issue. I do not come from a traditional family structure. My mother never cooked dinner and vacuumed in pearls. In fact, I spent much of my childhood without gender. Yes, I had dresses and I was in love with Mom's makeup and I learned to run in high heels (I have mistyped "hells" three times), but I was never expected to act like a lady. I am grateful for having a brother. I know how to roughhouse and make mud pits and have fond memories of playing hockey in the street.
Being a girl wasn't something I was overly concerned about until I hit about the seventh grade. Even then, I was labeled as "uncool," probably because I wasn't showing any overt interest in makeup or boys and making out wasn't very high on my priority list. I didn't feel the need to be attractive to men. And trust me, I wasn't.
I have always displayed typically male characteristics. Even now, I love sports games, mostly football and basketball, and I love to drink beer and eat steak. I always consider myself three-eighths male (how I settled on that number, I'm not quite sure). I am feminine, immensely so and possess the deeply emotional capacity expected of women. I love mascara and everything that goes along with it, but am in no way "high maintenance." I'm not afraid of sexuality, and have suffered social repercussions based on that. I am not dainty, nor do I claim to be. I'm not usually the submissive one in a relationship, and until recently, have never been courted in any sort of traditional manner.
I won't lie, I hate girls. I do not hate them because they are women, but I hate the ways that they act as women. I hate the cattiness (sp?), I hate the obsession with appearance, I hate the whole persona they don in order to please men. When I find a woman who is realistic and approachable, not wearing a fake feminine guise, I am comfortable and from there, can work to create a bond. The male is easier to get along with, less passive-aggressive and more open to odd conversations without the feeling of being threatened. Perhaps once women realize that we're not all threats to each other, we'll be able to get along and foster a sense of respect and unity that I am beginning to suspect doesn't exist, even in our post-modern world situation.
Sometime around the beginning of high school, I realized that attracting men was something that was easiest done if I lowered my perceived intelligence level. I have spent the last eight years with low standards and expectations, not only for my partners but for myself. I am recovering, slowly but hopefully. I am embracing my intelligence and my femininity, but equally, my independence, something that men are equally impressed with and afraid of.
Over break, I started seeing someone intelligent and successful, two things that I have been afraid to embrace based on my perception of myself. My reactions were overwhelming and nearly instantaneous. Not toward him (well, okay, maybe), but toward myself. I started seeing myself differently, more ably. I looked in the mirror and saw someone beautiful, maybe not entirely grown up, but getting there. I mean, he was wonderful, but I felt like I was able to hold my ground. I'm young, I'm still a child, I know this, and there are so many things in the world I still need to experience. But I was able to hold an intelligent conversation, hopefully carrying my own weight. While I'm still gaining my footing as far as feeling "worth it," this was a massive step in the right direction. I want to be around people who make me feel motivated to succeed, to try, to want to reach for something. The poor guy has no idea that he will be a huge factor in my life, even though the acquaintance was brief. It was thrilling, exhilarating, the rush that I felt. I felt like a person. I have never been "wined and dined" but this was exceptional. Perhaps not, but let's review my dating history briefly. Are you shuddering, wincing, thinking, "ooh, that was rough"? I am. And I knew it. When I brought home one boyfriend toward the end of high school, I told Mom, "Don't worry, this is only temporary."
I will say that the one thing that attracted me was the level of non-pretentious-ness about the whole situation. I HATE pretentious people. Success does not have to include a nasty attitude. Intelligence does not preclude pretension, but that way of thinking about others (and inherently, yourself) shouldn't be the norm. I am just as intelligent as most of the people in the world but don't feel the need to display it as though my position in society is somehow elevated.
I've always known that I wanted to seek better, but I guess somewhere, didn't think I deserved it. I do. I am Katie Barry, hear me roar. (I'm keeping that sentence but I thought about deleting it. It's horrifyingly embarrassing yet also so timeless in its statement.)
Of course, no woman should have such expectations for being bought. I do not expect to become an under-earning, under-performing housewife. I want to work. I do not want to stay at home with the children (once I successfully find a man worth my ovaries), because I would be bored to tears. I love children, I want to work with them, but I want a career. I want to find fulfillment outside the household. That and I can't clean or cook anything but bacon and pie. Bacon and pie are a great start, but hardly worth a man keeping me caged at home for 9 hours a day.
Social convention does not allow women to act as men yet to remain feminine. I am that dichotomy in the flesh. I am lovely, sweet, submissive (at the proper times), snuggly, soft, all of the things a woman should be. But I am also loud, stubborn, offensive (at the proper times, hopefully), dominant, aggressive, unafraid.
I have a walk. It's a strut, really, and I'm not really sure how it came about. It's male in its basic form yet feminine and fierce once you throw high heels into the mix. See, for me it's less about gender bending and more about gender blending. Pick and choose, just like religion. That selection has worked so well for me spiritually and it seems to be working in my dating life as well. Men are attracted to someone who's not afraid to speak her mind. Not that life is all about attracting men, but, you know, I do have that as a goal.
I'm linking to an article I read in Newsweek. It's about feminism being blamed for the state of dating. I am not settling. I do not ever want to settle nor do I want to be old and single. I want a life-partner, emphasis on partner. I want a husband or a boyfriend or a life partner who is my opposite and equal. But not yet. In the later years, please.
I come from a non-traditional family with realistic expectations. I never understood myself to be a woman. I was just a part of the family. I was not expected to maintain any certain role, but rather, was accepted for who I was, be that feminine or masculine. My level of education has never been a subject up for discussion. Of course there was going to be college. I never for a second thought that I wouldn't go. There were no expectations of anything more or less. There was just do.
I come from a family of strong women. Women who can and do provide for themselves and those around them. There's a strong sense of satisfaction that comes from being able to maintain yourself as an individual rather than based off of someone next to you. Any marriage is a partnership, focused on a mutual respect for one another rather than on dependence. The women in my family are educated, intelligent and wildly successful in their endeavors. I am joining their ranks in a few months (once I become a college graduate, I feel as though I'm more of a person. This is an error, I understand, but it's strongly based on my desire to achieve and at the moment, I'm just trying to survive each day without becoming overwhelmed by my workload and lack of sleep) and am pleased to have the support system that I do have. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Also this blog sounds very self-focused. It is. It's my blog. But this feminism idea is not based on feminism for other people but rather feminism for myself. Today, I am declaring myself a rational feminist (a term coined by one of the Irish, actually, but I liked it and I'm taking it and making it mine). I have reasonable expectations for equality. I am not looking to outdo men, but rather to coexist peacefully with them.
Perhaps a rational feminist is then a humanist. More than being a woman, I am a human being.
Blah blah blah.
I am, however, already sick of feminist theory. We're what, a week into school?
By the way, this was all procrastination of Spanish homework. The Jesuits had no idea what they were getting themselves into when they decided to educate the whole person. I'm self-reflecting. This should count for credit hours. Education in action, no?
the promised link::
http://www.newsweek.com/id/232112
I've spent twenty one years being a woman in the world.
I'm just now getting the theory behind it all, even though I've been studying, discussing and living the "how" part of the equation forever.
This is an unorganized rant. I like it. I'm sticking to it.
I was not raised in a house where gender was an issue. I do not come from a traditional family structure. My mother never cooked dinner and vacuumed in pearls. In fact, I spent much of my childhood without gender. Yes, I had dresses and I was in love with Mom's makeup and I learned to run in high heels (I have mistyped "hells" three times), but I was never expected to act like a lady. I am grateful for having a brother. I know how to roughhouse and make mud pits and have fond memories of playing hockey in the street.
Being a girl wasn't something I was overly concerned about until I hit about the seventh grade. Even then, I was labeled as "uncool," probably because I wasn't showing any overt interest in makeup or boys and making out wasn't very high on my priority list. I didn't feel the need to be attractive to men. And trust me, I wasn't.
I have always displayed typically male characteristics. Even now, I love sports games, mostly football and basketball, and I love to drink beer and eat steak. I always consider myself three-eighths male (how I settled on that number, I'm not quite sure). I am feminine, immensely so and possess the deeply emotional capacity expected of women. I love mascara and everything that goes along with it, but am in no way "high maintenance." I'm not afraid of sexuality, and have suffered social repercussions based on that. I am not dainty, nor do I claim to be. I'm not usually the submissive one in a relationship, and until recently, have never been courted in any sort of traditional manner.
I won't lie, I hate girls. I do not hate them because they are women, but I hate the ways that they act as women. I hate the cattiness (sp?), I hate the obsession with appearance, I hate the whole persona they don in order to please men. When I find a woman who is realistic and approachable, not wearing a fake feminine guise, I am comfortable and from there, can work to create a bond. The male is easier to get along with, less passive-aggressive and more open to odd conversations without the feeling of being threatened. Perhaps once women realize that we're not all threats to each other, we'll be able to get along and foster a sense of respect and unity that I am beginning to suspect doesn't exist, even in our post-modern world situation.
Sometime around the beginning of high school, I realized that attracting men was something that was easiest done if I lowered my perceived intelligence level. I have spent the last eight years with low standards and expectations, not only for my partners but for myself. I am recovering, slowly but hopefully. I am embracing my intelligence and my femininity, but equally, my independence, something that men are equally impressed with and afraid of.
Over break, I started seeing someone intelligent and successful, two things that I have been afraid to embrace based on my perception of myself. My reactions were overwhelming and nearly instantaneous. Not toward him (well, okay, maybe), but toward myself. I started seeing myself differently, more ably. I looked in the mirror and saw someone beautiful, maybe not entirely grown up, but getting there. I mean, he was wonderful, but I felt like I was able to hold my ground. I'm young, I'm still a child, I know this, and there are so many things in the world I still need to experience. But I was able to hold an intelligent conversation, hopefully carrying my own weight. While I'm still gaining my footing as far as feeling "worth it," this was a massive step in the right direction. I want to be around people who make me feel motivated to succeed, to try, to want to reach for something. The poor guy has no idea that he will be a huge factor in my life, even though the acquaintance was brief. It was thrilling, exhilarating, the rush that I felt. I felt like a person. I have never been "wined and dined" but this was exceptional. Perhaps not, but let's review my dating history briefly. Are you shuddering, wincing, thinking, "ooh, that was rough"? I am. And I knew it. When I brought home one boyfriend toward the end of high school, I told Mom, "Don't worry, this is only temporary."
I will say that the one thing that attracted me was the level of non-pretentious-ness about the whole situation. I HATE pretentious people. Success does not have to include a nasty attitude. Intelligence does not preclude pretension, but that way of thinking about others (and inherently, yourself) shouldn't be the norm. I am just as intelligent as most of the people in the world but don't feel the need to display it as though my position in society is somehow elevated.
I've always known that I wanted to seek better, but I guess somewhere, didn't think I deserved it. I do. I am Katie Barry, hear me roar. (I'm keeping that sentence but I thought about deleting it. It's horrifyingly embarrassing yet also so timeless in its statement.)
Of course, no woman should have such expectations for being bought. I do not expect to become an under-earning, under-performing housewife. I want to work. I do not want to stay at home with the children (once I successfully find a man worth my ovaries), because I would be bored to tears. I love children, I want to work with them, but I want a career. I want to find fulfillment outside the household. That and I can't clean or cook anything but bacon and pie. Bacon and pie are a great start, but hardly worth a man keeping me caged at home for 9 hours a day.
Social convention does not allow women to act as men yet to remain feminine. I am that dichotomy in the flesh. I am lovely, sweet, submissive (at the proper times), snuggly, soft, all of the things a woman should be. But I am also loud, stubborn, offensive (at the proper times, hopefully), dominant, aggressive, unafraid.
I have a walk. It's a strut, really, and I'm not really sure how it came about. It's male in its basic form yet feminine and fierce once you throw high heels into the mix. See, for me it's less about gender bending and more about gender blending. Pick and choose, just like religion. That selection has worked so well for me spiritually and it seems to be working in my dating life as well. Men are attracted to someone who's not afraid to speak her mind. Not that life is all about attracting men, but, you know, I do have that as a goal.
I'm linking to an article I read in Newsweek. It's about feminism being blamed for the state of dating. I am not settling. I do not ever want to settle nor do I want to be old and single. I want a life-partner, emphasis on partner. I want a husband or a boyfriend or a life partner who is my opposite and equal. But not yet. In the later years, please.
I come from a non-traditional family with realistic expectations. I never understood myself to be a woman. I was just a part of the family. I was not expected to maintain any certain role, but rather, was accepted for who I was, be that feminine or masculine. My level of education has never been a subject up for discussion. Of course there was going to be college. I never for a second thought that I wouldn't go. There were no expectations of anything more or less. There was just do.
I come from a family of strong women. Women who can and do provide for themselves and those around them. There's a strong sense of satisfaction that comes from being able to maintain yourself as an individual rather than based off of someone next to you. Any marriage is a partnership, focused on a mutual respect for one another rather than on dependence. The women in my family are educated, intelligent and wildly successful in their endeavors. I am joining their ranks in a few months (once I become a college graduate, I feel as though I'm more of a person. This is an error, I understand, but it's strongly based on my desire to achieve and at the moment, I'm just trying to survive each day without becoming overwhelmed by my workload and lack of sleep) and am pleased to have the support system that I do have. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Also this blog sounds very self-focused. It is. It's my blog. But this feminism idea is not based on feminism for other people but rather feminism for myself. Today, I am declaring myself a rational feminist (a term coined by one of the Irish, actually, but I liked it and I'm taking it and making it mine). I have reasonable expectations for equality. I am not looking to outdo men, but rather to coexist peacefully with them.
Perhaps a rational feminist is then a humanist. More than being a woman, I am a human being.
Blah blah blah.
I am, however, already sick of feminist theory. We're what, a week into school?
By the way, this was all procrastination of Spanish homework. The Jesuits had no idea what they were getting themselves into when they decided to educate the whole person. I'm self-reflecting. This should count for credit hours. Education in action, no?
the promised link::
http://www.newsweek.com/id/232112
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