ENDS

At 2 minutes to 9 this morning I was printing my paper.
At 9:00, I was sliding in the door of the classroom.
At 9:35 I was up presenting, telling jokes and being alive.
At 11:24 I am exhausted and very ready for sleep.
At 11:34 I will be on my way to Maddie's house so that her, Carolyn, Anna and I (maybe Katie, unless she's at work) can go get Taco Bell.
Is sleep on the menu today?
Maybe not.


But it doesn't matter: I'M DONE WITH COLLEGE!! (mostly)

FREEDOM!!!

the final countdown (do-doo-do-doo-do-do-do-do) --the song.
Can you tell it's 2am?

less than 9 hours!

4 of my grades are already in and considering how much studying I did this semester (none), I'm pretty impressed:

Spanish  B-
(I got EXACTLY the same grade on the final as I did on the midterm: 86)

Topics in Gender Studies B-

Advanced Reporting B

Statistics  A-

and then I asked my social work teacher on Thursday how I was doing and she said A, so I'm redoing my final paper (just to suck up) so that I have a solid A

and then I'm finishing a paper tonight/tomorrow morning (there is about to be a nap) and then giving a presentation starting at 9am.....for Women's and Gender Studies and I'm totally going to get a B+ or an A- or maybe an A, but maybe not.

All in all, graduating with a 3.1 GPA.
(Not bad, considering)

To save money, I'm dropping my third minor. (boo) and taking only 1 class in the summer (marketing 201) and then living the dream.

Big, wide world, here I come!

Mom told me she was proud of me today.

Herding Cats. You can do it, but it's hard.

It's really hard to walk a cat. 

I put him on his leash, he lays down. I carry him downstairs, he jumps out of my arms and wanders around the courtyard, sniffing bushes, rubbing up on bricks, sticking his head into foliage, you know. 

If you let him get too close to cover, he'll go for it, or he'll try to jump through the bars of the gate and then you're on one side, holding the leash, and he's on the other, and that's sort of a problem too. 

He got his scratching urges out on a tree and then I needed to grab something out of my car, and he freaked out the minute I opened my door. Tried to bolt. Hates cars. 

Wow, the 18 hour ride to Denver is going to be a blast, then, huh? 

Too bad you can't just drug him and ship him. I wonder if there's such a service. 

Well, no matter what happens, it will be an adventure. 

I'm staring down my last morning of relative freedom before the real finals crunch begins. I have a Spanish final tomorrow that of course I haven't started studying for and then a presentation and take home final due Saturday. This is going to be a blast. Not. 

So the final word for wearing my dress at graduation is negative. Can't do it. There's too much poof. Under the gown, it looks as though I'm wearing some sort of underwiry bustle. Think 19th century fashion and you'll understand my problem. 

So I'm going to wear something lame, or nothing at all a la Patch Adams, and then change into my dress post-ceremony. Super diva-ish, but trust me, you wouldn't want to claim me if you saw me walking that stage looking like...well, that. 

Thoughts.

The following post is jumbled thoughts:

I'm not sure if I've let the breath out yet.
I might still be holding it.
I'm nervous.
Lots of things are brewing at the moment, most of them troubling and a few bright and sunny.
There was an email. The storm warning. No response yet, and I'm trembling for fear of what will happen, but I've hunkered down with an escape plan, you know, in case something goes terribly wrong.
Which it will, because life is like that.

I finally get why people always use the storm metaphor to describe their emotions. It's lame, and overdone, but totally applicable and legitimate. I am that storm at the moment. Laughing hysterically about something funny, being excited about life, terrified about money, stressed about my living situation.

I bought a home yoga DVD. Don't judge me. I tried it last night. Basically I sort of just half paid attention to it, and I think I liked it. I'm looking quite forward to an empty apartment for the month of June. Seventeen days, baby, a few of which I will be in Colorado for. We're going to be cleaning out my car today, maybe, getting everything organized to begin the packing. The packing. I'm going to try and bring home as many dishes as possible, in order to make sure that I get everything back. I'm hoping to not have to ship anything.
I keep focusing on that. Mike and I need to buckle down and get an apartment. That will be my Denver plan.

Finals are almost over. I turned in the wrong paper for one of my classes. Literally turned in a draft. She was not pleased. I was mortified. I turned in the right paper but don't expect much of a grade boost.

Have a meeting with an internship advisor at 1pm this afternoon to see about figuring out summer. Pros and cons to the whole job/3rd minor thing....

Job:
-Pros: $
-Cons: is anyone going to hire me when I can only work for a month?

Stay for three classes:
-Pros: Self-fulfillment, three minors,
-Cons: Costs a ton.

So here's what it's looking like it might be: a split between the two of them. No money and no third minor. Take two classes, get a slight GPA boost, babysit extra hours hopefully and then move home.
The money thing is freaking me out. I'm going to get really good at navigating the loans system soon.

Mission for next week, post finals:
-clean
-pack, pack, pack!
-relax
-go to the beach
-babysit if I can
-breathe

Flashback: Fall in Wisconsin

I was digging through the tea box, rummaging for decaf tea, and I grabbed it. Apple Cinnamon. Herbal tea.

Flash.

We were at the Piggy-Wiggly in Krivitz, grocery shopping for the weekend. Eggs, milk, bacon, hot dogs, marshmallows, chocolate bars, the usual. I always need tea to wake up to, or to fall asleep to. I always spend too much time thinking about what flavor, and for some reason, I'd settled on apple cinnamon.
That weekend, the orange countertops, the stove, the cold rooms, fall creeping in on us to settle around us at night, the dogs, the fire, the lake. Drinking tea out of fragile mugs with leaves on them.

Flash.

Dark. To tonight. To the restlessness.
It's been a long time since I felt home somewhere, you know. Even longer than that.
The tea is steeping, cooling, probably too cool now.
But life is like that.

THE Dress

Two months of searching and all of a sudden, there it was: the dress. Zac Posen for Target. 2 in 1.  Convertible. The last one. My size. I look like a man in the pictures, I apologize. Now all I need to do is 2 million push ups. 

Also, two pairs of shoes. Got a huge coupon on them.

Life may be strange, but from my closet, it's beautiful. 

Except I need places to wear it. Expect to be over dressed at every event we ever have. 

Today, someone close to me tried to confront me about something that they knew nothing about. I found my gumption and told her exactly what I thought about the subject. It felt good to get my point across. It felt good to tell someone exactly what I was thinking. 

The weather is cool but the lilacs are blooming and the spring is beautiful. 

Storms ahead, however, just as many as are behind.