It won't go, in case you don't know.....

"Stairway To Heaven"

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who stand looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying the stairway to heaven.



****
And so, with tears streaming down my face too late on a Thursday, I begin the final week. Chicago, snow falling softly outside, lamp posts gently illuminating the streets below, freezing people.
I sit here, watching bad movies on tv, late at night. They came, we watched the game, and now they're gone, begging my presence at a party tomorrow night. I have no interest. Instead, I'll curl up at home and talk to Danny, because lately his voice has been the only one that calms me. I woke up last night, alone, and realized that everything is beginning to come together and fall apart all at once. I'm going ever closer to the thing(s) that mean the most to me, and further apart from the life that I've known.
I'm just at the point in between sleep and dreams.
Home. Danny. Home. Danny. I keep repeating them in my head. Colorado. Denver. Here I come, please.
Ten days.
We did Secret Santa gifts in our room today. I had Gena and Melissa had me. She got me a Long Distance Relationship book, which made me laugh.
Danny has agreed that if we get married, we'll have to take cooking classes. He prefers dessert classes and the idea of microwaveable frozen vegetables, whereas I feel as though it can't be that hard to make chicken dishes and noodle-y things. I burned brats today, and he found that funny. He told me not to worry; he'll cook. He can make: corndogs, hot dogs, frozen pizza, spaghetti. Wow, can't wait. haha, it was the first time I'd laughed all day though, and I appreciated it.
Love, then, love is enough.

The Post-Thanksgiving Update

Perfect snow.
I walked out of class tonight and was greeted by the beautiful sight of falling snowflakes.
Perfect snow, no wind, wet flakes falling down like confetti on the anxious people below. Night is softened by the lights on the trees.
There's nothing like snow and holiday lights, nothing at all.
Things here are being held together simply by will. There is no hope left for bringing things back to where they were; instead, I play the observer and try not to answer their questions about the others.
I have three more days of class left at Loyola, and while I won't miss the institution, I'm going to miss all of the people I've become attached to.
Hunter and Ian came over for Monday Night Football last night, and as they left, Hunter gave me a hug and told me he'd miss me. It's nice to know that there's always something to come back to.
Before I leave, I'd like to go and visit the Peace Garden on the Lake Shore path that winds all the way from the south side of the city to nearly Loyola. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays when I take the shuttle up to the Lake Shore campus, I always watch, and there, on the trail, just off Lake Shore Drive is a little enclave. I never see anyone there. I once saw a woman, sitting there and doing exactly what I would have been doing, contemplating. I still haven't been there, and it's the one thing that I want to do before I go.
I would also like to see the Bean. It's a work of art originally designed for the opening of Millennium Park and the things that the name implies. It's one of my favorite things in Chicago. (I'm sad that Mom and Grandma didn't get to see it while they were here visiting in October)
Other than that, however, I am only looking forward to being home and seeing the mountains again. This winter is going to be great. Danny wants to go snowboarding with me, which I'm unsure about. He's been snowboarding since he was eight, and I've only been three times in my life. When I told him that I'd be on the bunny hills while he would be doing the blacks and blues, he told me that he'd come with me and help me. Which was cute.

Thanksgiving was nice. Of course, my plans fell through for the actual day, in that between visiting Mom at the hospital and seeing Dad's family, we never made it to Aunt Jan's. Now, I know that it was a disappointment to all, but I also wanted to clarify that we were only going to have been there for about a half an hour, so although I felt bad, I didn't feel as though I missed an entire dinner.
Emma and John liked Danny a lot. Emma kept telling us that we had cooties because we were so in love, which made me smile. We built a city out of the blocks, and the kids kept asking him where to put certain things. We made a little corner of the city for a zoo, which we filled with all the toys that we could find. Emma told Danny that he was "the best skyscraper builder ever," and afterward, he admitted that he loved spending time with them. I got to hold the little one, who just made my whole day. Danny didn't want to hold her because he didn't want to upset her, which made me smile.
The drive up to his parents' house was nice. We had to stop because his windshield fluid was frozen and the windshield was getting dirty. I played the role of mechanic and washed his windows for him while he put in new fluid. It was a very domestic moment for us.
He has been suffering with all of the rain in Portland for the last week, so keep him in your prayers.
My application for Metro is in, and I've spoken with Dairy Queen about getting my job back ($10.50 an hour, hopefully more soon enough.)

That was quite a bit of information for one post, so I'll leave it at that. But I promise I'll begin to discuss the move soon.