Week Update.

As usual, it's Tuesday and I'm desperate for Friday.
But this week, it seems that if I can survive Wednesday, I'll be alright. So tomorrow I have a test and a midterm and then a paper due by midnight, all of which I'm trying to get done right now in the library. As usual, I'm having problems concentrating, but it's something that I feel has been eased by not having a computer.
I'm wracked with guilt if I check my Facebook or if I go to the lame blogs that I like to read about fashion or celebrities when I'm in the library, so I feel like this is a chance to really get some work done.
Last night, Hunter and I went over to our friend's Nick and Emily's house (grammer check here: if it is the house in which they both live, where does the apostrophe go? after Emily? or after both? I say after Emily but a girl in my class disagrees. Any help would be appreciated.) to watch the football game. I made Halloween cookies.
The whole weight battle that I seem to be undergoing might be in my head. I think it's less than 10 pounds and I realize that everyone goes through periods of their life when being super skinny just isn't an option. I went all veggie for a few days last week and I seemed to feel, if not look, better. So maybe it's all about hydration and less sodium but in all honesty, it's stress mostly right now. I know I'll be stressed for the rest of my life but I'm not going to add stress by trying to dictate what I can and cannot eat. Hunter still thinks I look beautiful, so if he's fine, I'm fine. Also, I wore different pants (my others were already a bit small and shrink in the dryer) and I feel better about that too.
Sorry.
I'm looking into getting a netbook. It's like a mini-computer. It'd be something that I'd have for awhile and then possibly give to Mom (she has no idea of this plan, but I like the sound of it) when I get a new computer. But....that was just a thought. They look like they run under $400, which would be a good thing, especially since this whole not having a computer thing is getting really lame. I'd be able to do homework at home instead of having to be in school to get it done, something that I'd love. Also, Emily is going to be paying me the rest of the security deposit money (from when we moved into our apartment) soon and I would be able to get one with that money. So I'll be looking into it a little more.
Weather holding steady in the fifties. I'm glad of that. I always seem to forget that the weather in Chicago usually holds at moderate until mid-November, when it definitely takes a turn for the worse. I'm unprepared as usual this year, but am finding that problem very far down on my list of things to do.
I have a new novel at home, so even though I'd love to sit and chat (ha,) I must attend to my homework before my brain exhausts itself and needs to remain dormant until tomorrow.

Moody, but what's new?

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
-Frou Frou


(Those lyrics are on one of the greatest soundtracks ever: The Garden State soundtrack. In high school, during those oh-so-emotionally-tenuous years, I'd put on a hot bath and sit there with my portable CD player [and then later, my iPod] and just let the songs take me away. That sounds incredibly cliche, I know, but what was my adolescence but one huge cliche really? That's not true, but you understand.)

I'm sure you've heard the good news by now: pre-cancer free! I'm thrilled to death. Not quite to death, but close enough.

Stress, as usual. Skipped Spanish today to sleep. Haven't missed it yet and it's well past Fall Break. Consider that a small success.

Hunter and I have been together a year today. I still remember cropping Ian out of a picture so that I could post it here. It's a picture of him kissing my cheek long before he'd ever put the thought of us together. We are escaping for a weekend away in Northern Wisconsin, leaving tomorrow at noon. I wish I could say I'll post pictures, but I'll take them, I promise.

I got the book I've been waiting for today! It came in the mail (I couldn't wait for it come out in hardcover but wouldn't dream of spending $30 on it, so I ordered it off of half.com). It's called "The Angel's Game" and it's by the same author who wrote "the Shadow of the Wind," Carlos Ruiz Zafon. If you need anything to read ever, read that book. It brought my love of language back.

Anyway, off to bondage night at the Club. Want so desperately to post pictures.

Feeling much better healthwise. I've decided to cut as much sodium as possible (problematic as I love salt) and up the fiber. So lots of vegetables. But that's not been horrible. Squash tonight. It's in the oven right now.

I have decided that when I have the money, I'm going to get a MacBook Pro. It's the same computer that Mike has, and I think it'll serve me well. More on that later, though. I would like to contain my excitement as the purchase is a long way off. I'm just frustrated because I feel so set back. I was planning on spending my graduation money (let's not lie, graduation is the perfect time for gifts. not in a greedy way, but reality) on my summer in Europe, but right now, it seems like that's not even in the cards anymore. I'm devastated, but I understand that life has a way of trying to tell you things. So I need to focus on next year and perhaps a summer in South America instead of Rome.
Hunter promised me that if we ever get married, he'll take me to Rome. (don't tell him I told you that.)

Lost again.
I feel like it's becoming a theme. I get my life sort of put together and then it all falls apart.
School is slowly pulling me under, threatening to hold me at the bottom until I can't breathe and then there's the rest of my life which is pulling me in every other direction possible.
Obligation after obligation.
I need sleep.

I'm trying to go back to healthy eating as a means of counter balancing my other not so great life choices such as beer. It's tough but interesting. More info on that to come. Tonight I made brussels sprouts with butter and maple syrup (so sort of maple butter when it all comes together). They're not bad. That and pomegranate. Pomegranates are expensive fruits but they are so good, I just can't help myself. High in fiber and in fun.

Ah, but the library calls for group work (I so detest group work) and then homework. Tomorrow brings Simon's way-overdue oil change and the preparations for the weekend in Wisconsin. I cannot wait until Friday.

Goodbye, sony

Exhaustion. There's no other word for it.

My bones are tired. My eyes are tired. I think I'm getting a hunchback. I'm coughing, a light, endless cough that seems to be rooted in nothing.

Emily wants her Mom's company to tell me the value of my laptop. Ha, not until I print out every upgrade that it had. Not until the processor is accounted for, not until the new hard drive is accounted for, not until the new copy of Windows, etc. Frustrated. Not trying to rip her off, just want to be treated fairly. She's got nothing to say still. Apparently she had $300 taken from her room. I'm sympathetic, I really am, but not enough to forget this whole ordeal. I mean, I understand where it sucks to be in her position right now. I'm not going to ruminate on it other than to tell you that I do feel bad. But I feel bad every minute of every day since I got back. I miss my pictures, I miss my music, I miss not having to sit in the library to type. I lost a lot more than she did that night, without even knowing about it.
And funny enough, a simple phone call to tell me we were having people over would have led to me asking her to move my laptop. But that didn't happen.
On a related note, I came home a couple of days after the theft to find the backdoor wide open. Swinging in the wind. I locked it and haven't said anything; it doesn't really matter, at this point I've not much left to steal. I have been double checking when I leave and when I come in though.

Want this week to be over. So much homework to get through. Leaving to go to Wisconsin on Friday; will be spending the weekend there with Hunter at the cabin. Will be nice to get away. Don't have to worry about leaving anything behind, I have nothing to leave.

Looking at getting a Mac to replace the computer I lost. Will depend on their protection plan. (Warranty, work, etc) The MacBookPro might be too expensive (nearing $3000 with necessary upgrades), might just go with the MacBookAir ($2400).

Don't want to deal.

I just re-read that post, and it sounds forlorn, melancholic. But it is. That's where I'm at right now. It's an attempt at survival. It's not as easy as it sounds, even though I'm a university student at a urban campus. I'm missing things lately. Missing people, missing faces, places, memories, grasping for them desperately, losing them. Direction, too, seems to have gone away. where? there is no answer, only progress.

At least I have an A in Spanish.

More information to come later, but at this moment I am sad to report the theft of my laptop.
I returned home late Tuesday evening to find that Emily had invited people that she did not know over for a party and that sometime during Monday night, my laptop was stolen.
I have filed a police report and am hoping that the thief tries to sell it at a pawn shop, but it's not looking good.
I will be posting a reward and signs all over the neighborhood (none of the people at the party went to Loyola but rather were friends of a friend of Emily's [I called bad vibes on this girl the minute I met her] from work) hoping that maybe they'll come forward.

Four years of school work, as well as pictures and music are gone. I am truly sick over the loss but am trying to look on the bright side. Thus far, I have found none.

Sadness. I am thinking that right now, Rome may not be an option either.

Emily has offered me her laptop in exchange, but I am refusing as it is not equivalent to the value of the computer that was stolen from me. Mine is still under warranty and I believe is therefore worth every penny that I paid for it. We will have to work together to come up with a suitable plan that is fair for both of us.

I feel bad for her, but she made the choice to invite strangers into our home and now will have to face the consequences of that decision. I know that it puts us all in a bad situation and I am relying on Mom for guidance and support in this matter.

Fort Collins!

Here are the highlights of my Fort Collins trip:

3am feeding with delivery food and Amsterdam clog-slippers:
I ran into Thomas Burns in a bar, randomly. So he came over to hang out with us. (He was my homecoming date 2x in high school)

Katie:

Me failing miserably to slide down a rail.

A bear!!!

Love:

Katie, her friend Thomas and I:

Katie picks me up at the airport!

Today will be the first day that I try printing my boarding pass from online and then going to the airport. Since they are now charging $20 for a bag, I will be throwing everything I need for the weekend (which is a lot considering it's going to be cold) into my mountaineering backpack and attempting to stuff it under the seat.
You know how it goes....we'll see.
Katie's flight attempt, regardless of what happens, will be interesting.
Summit this weekend about graduate school. Be excited.

Strolling down memory lane....

I was underwhelmed by Stonehenge.
Fruit and I in Philadelphia
Martha's Vineyard
Martha's Vineyard.
Kayaking.
Cruise. New England.
Me in Bath. The first thing we told our guide was that he looked like Ron Weasley
Wags!
Follow the crazy chicken!
ha, that.
me as a baby.
Fruit's freshman week!!
My family. Hat park. Junior year.
Rocky Mountain National Park.
Me and fruit.
Kayaking!
My short lived career as a Mullen Cheerleader! (ha, for a play)
My eighth grade graduation. I do believe Mom looks proud.
Fruit's 8th grade graduation
The day Maddie broke her car.
Ha, not even sure. In the Green Bean though!
Me and Fruit before my first Sadie's dance. Freshman year of high school. Still have those shoes. Wore them the other night!
Mining somewhere in S. Dakota
Cruise!
Snorkeling!
The COSMOS!!!
Stellas
Target. Never go to Target. We wore these ridiculous sunglasses all the way to Steamboat
Maddie's car. Lunch break. Senior year. We had a weird thing about hats.
Oh my! Furry boots at Wal-Mart
Fruit and Katie
GRADUATION!
We realized we'd never been pied. So we got some pie tins and whipped cream and went for it.
Senior prom. Emily, Katie and me
The lawn gnome. The day after senior prom.
Stoplight. Colorado sky
Snowboarding. Before the accident.
Mullen basketball game in Boulder
the DQ LOUNGE!! (melvin in the background)
Me, Fruit, John and Emma
After the time we learned how to snowboard. We ended up in the hospital after Katie's accident.
Steamboat. That time Katie and I learned how to snowboard.
Ice skating. Copper Mountain.
I once let Katie Crayola marker makeup on my face. It was a school night. I had to wash my face about 89 times to get all of the color off.
Homecoming senior year. The dress cost me $30. Loved it.
That time I was a firewoman in that play.
Leaf in rain.
My lawn gnome, Pi! Honors geometry sophomore year. Ended my run of honors math classes and also began my short love affair with a fourteen-dollar gnome.
Fruit and I in D.C. with Mom for spring break one year. (I think I was 16)
Peace
I feel like I spent days trying to take pictures through a Jones soda bottle.

The Jesus wig/beard combo.
Mr. Craig's honors English class.
Senior pictures
Senior pictures.

I do believe this was taken at a Mullen pep rally. The quote from that day was, "White isn't a Mullen color." the reply was, "Look around." The racial university (the only word I could come up with to oppose diversity) was made apparent that day.

Fruit took this picture. Katie and I at Walgreens sitting on her car.

This picture was taken on Alameda somewhere with Wade from Colorado Christian University. This is where the term "yakkle hat" was born.
Katie and Maddie at bingo.
Obviously, I'm sitting on a planet.

Emily and I have lived in our apartment for 14 months now. I've been in college for more than three years. I've not been in Denver year round for the same amount of time.

So in honor of nothing really, but in honor of my youth, I'm posting a "Remember This?" blog.